The Elevator Rant by Special Guest, Mr. Uvula!


And now a rant from Cube Farming’s Guest Contributor, Mr. Uvula!

The other day I strolled into the lobby a few minutes after 8. There were about a half dozen people already waiting. And for some unknown reason, one person pressed the already lit UP button.  When the car came and the door finally opened, of course everyone rushed in. I try to be one of the last people in so that I will have no problem exiting.

7 of us squeezed into the small elevator. None of us liked it, but we were all used to it. But just as the doors were closing, someone stuck his hand out. ‘Hold the elevator!’ he said.

He was a very fat man who must have thought he was a skinny guy, because he believed he could fit in. Some lady in the back protested. ‘Just wait for the next one!’ But the fat man wouldn’t have any of it. ‘I’m already late!’ He forced himself in, pushing the rest of us back and uncomfortably on to each other. He was pressed on to three of us, including me. The door couldn’t close at first. Why? He also had a big briefcase with him, of course he did! A few people groaned. The lady blurted ‘For crying out loud!’

The elevator seemed to take forever to get to the 19th floor, where naturally the person farthest in the elevator wanted to exit. So the fat man had to waddle himself and his briefcase out first, and the person had to wiggle his way through the rest of us to get out. Even with one less person inside, the car was still quite uncomfortable. Reorienting myself now that I had just a little bit more room, I could see the look of contempt the woman had for the fat man.

Eventually I made it to salvation, the 23rd floor. In actual time, the ride up was perhaps only two minutes. But those were two of the most uncomfortable minutes of my life.

So please don’t be that guy, the one who barges in at the last second and forces himself into an already crowded elevator car. Fat or skinny, tall or short, it doesn’t matter. Just do humanity a favor and wait for the next one.

One thought on “The Elevator Rant by Special Guest, Mr. Uvula!”

  1. Anonymous says:

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