Are You A Cubicle Natural Gas Producer?

cubefart

It’s just another day in the office as you pound furiously away on the keyboard to show others how busy you are.  Suddenly, your jerk of a body launches a gas bubble.  At this point, you can’t decide whether it’s going be one of minor consequence or one that may snuff out the oxygen in the vicinity.   It can’t stop.  It won’t stop.  It’s inevitable.  Are you ready to deal with what’s coming?

You make a quick assessment of your surroundings, the coast is clear.  You hope for the best with butt puckering sound suppression tactics as the gas is released.  It does not smell.  You’re in the clear.  All is good in the world.  There is no trace of evidence.  You continue on as nothing ever happened.

However, there may be times when you just become careless, or maybe it was due to the extra spicy meal you had the night before.  You release a foul gas cloud that a skunk would be proud of.  This time there’s no telling how far it’s going to spread, but one thing is for sure, it will stretch beyond the confines of your work space.  Then, the worst case scenario happens.  From out of nowhere, someone comes to your work space to visit.

Has this or something similar happened to you?  It’s happened to me and all I could think of was, I better lead this person away from the danger zone.

“I’m thirsty, take a walk with me to the break room,” I said as the person arrived at my cubicle.  I wasn’t sure how much of the gas had spread by that time, but I was in damage control mode, doing whatever I can to leave the scene with my colleague.  I got her out of there just in the nick of time.

I came across a story by user novakbo the other day on Reddit  and it’s definitely worth sharing.

So I got my usual coffee to banish the last vestiges of slumber and sat at my desk, feeling generally ok. I had a breakfast of yogurt and lots of almonds and walnuts and was feeling kinda full. As I sat down, steaming coffee in my hands, I felt a earth moving rumble in my stomach and tried to ignore it. It continued, and I kept shuffling in my seat. Eventually, a piccolo of flatus escaped, tiny sound but pungent aroma. Within a few seconds, my co-worker turns over to me and asks what that smell is. I freeze up, shamed and embarrassed. He says, “is that the coffee, it smells amazing…it smells like fresh hazelnuts” and proceeds to inhale deeply, several times. I have to work with him for the rest of my time here, and I can’t really take him seriously anymore.

TL;DR let out a nutty fart at work and watched, in horror, as my co-worker inhaled the ‘divine’ aroma

Even better, someone narrated it.


 

Bonus:  OK, so there is a wikihow on the matter.  It just seems to be really bad advice.

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *